Martyrdom is Out - Self-Care Is In
First of all, I want to say Thank you to Naomi, Simone, and all the women who are stepping up to the plate and boldly putting emphasis on the importance of self-care. Who knew that self –care affected our mental state of mind? I think many of us did. However, as women, sharing this fact out loud was simply taboo…a sign of weakness.
It amazes me how much guilt was served to my generation. We were (and still are) enough. However we did not realize it, so we aimed higher to achieve more than our mothers did. At what cost? Raised in the seventies, generally our intention was to change the world as we knew it. We tried new things to alter our perception of the world we graduated into after being nurtured at the bosom of our mothers. Many of us felt we could do it all. The mindset was one of entering the workforce, breaking the glass ceiling in addition to raising well balanced children - all while being happily married and “fulfilled.” As we wore our business suits and spiked heels, we intentionally sabotaged ourselves into believing our children were resilient and we were being our best selves.
There are so many books offering instruction on “helping” us achieve this goal of being everything to everyone. A generation of latch key children with no real concept of having someone to come home to after school was considered normal. We were focused on helping our children become independent – but at what cost? Summer camps, excelling in every sport imaginable was one way to show our children that we cared. It taught them to have a competitive spirit and to continually raise the bar on what was possible. For many, summers no longer meant taking a break. There was no time for the mind to rest or for the body to reset. Camps became more competitive. We wanted the best for their children. ..and still do. As women re-entered the workforce, we were able to afford the best camp money could buy. There was also a segment of our generation who all of a sudden had failed marriages which meant striving for better jobs to make more money to survive. A little unprepared, we did what we had to do because failure was not an option. Pressing on and hoping for the best, we persevered.
The need for us to pay attention to our bodies AND our minds is more important now than ever. Let’s be honest, we have been through a lot. As a country, our emotions have been stretched in unimaginable ways. We lost a lot and we should have gained clarity in things we took for granted. Our beliefs, as well as friendships, were tested and let’s not forget the ongoing period of unintentional pausing – it is not over.
As an African American, knowing that while some might not be affected by the events of the day, I often think twice, knowing how perception can often be a game changer. To be perfectly honest, this is quite new to me. I was raised to just be authentically me. Whether it is a social or health concern, I cannot help but think about how current affairs have changed the trajectory of my world in a split second. While I manage and adjust my steps daily, existing has never been such a challenge. My carefree attitude is not what it used to be, as I continually question how things have changed in the past few years. Perception of how things really are truly matters. While I will allow no one to steal my thunder or my zest for life, I am a bit tempered by my life experiences of recent years. As I viewed the response from Simone as she replied to her critics, I wept. Finally, Simone realized she is MORE than her sport. Valuing who she is and coming to terms with herself was a reality check. Let’s be honest with ourselves, self-care matters. It is time we take it seriously as we continue to weather the current stare of affairs.
Imagine what is going on in the minds of these young women. From race to the pandemic – that is a lot of weight to carry AND compete. Will you do your best when you are expected to perform in an uncertain world? When your thoughts turn to the injustices that occur daily, how can you be in shape mentally? Second guessing who you are and if you really matter is enough to make anyone with common sense pause. To act as though daily current events would not dampen the spirits of any person of color is like putting your head in the sand. It hurts. It causes restlessness, a discomfort that cannot be put into words. In places that used to be comfortably familiar, the first reaction is to think twice…and proceed with caution. How can anyone enthusiastically, realistically live life like this? How could these young women be expected to not have feelings which ultimately would affect their performance? How can anyone be expected to not eventually react with these stressors taunting them daily?
I am so proud that these young ladies spoke up. Demonstrating how it okay to bow out, take a moment for some well-deserved self-care is more important now than ever before. When you know where you stand emotionally, daily self-care is the best approach. Naomi and Simone made the decision to say enough is enough…Thank you ladies for being honest.
While you have the attention of the world, please continue to remind us that #selfcarematters
